Confidence is Earned, Not Learned – 3 Steps to Confident Marketing, Selling and Performing
I was conducting a session last week with a new Revenue Breakthrough Mastery Participant and we were reviewing what to say in an initial session with a potential client. After I gave her an example script, she said to me, “Monica, I think that sounds great, but I would never have thought to say that to her. I just wouldn’t have come up with those words. I just don’t have that kind of confidence in marketing myself or putting myself out there. It just makes me want to hide in my room, or take more nutrition classes, or just do anything but go out there and try.”
Can you relate? Are you one of those professionals that has taken lots of training programs in your field, listened to teleseminars and webinars and even read books – but you are still not feeling very confident. Sometimes you even feel like a “fraud” when you talk to your clients. Or perhaps you are worried that they may “find you out” – by asking a question that you just don’t have the answer to. Or you feel like you can’t promise the results you want until you study more, learn more or practice more.
So instead of putting yourself out there to market, selling your services and working with clients – you are learning another modality to add on to your services. Or you are perfecting your website. Or you are organizing all of your notes and handouts. Or you are preparing yourself “mentally”. You keep telling yourself that the more you sit back and LEARN, the more you’ll be ready to get clients and work with them.
I have one thing to say about that: Confidence is earned, not learned.
No one is born confident, fearless or charismatic – at least no one that I know. Don’t let those other experts fool you. No one I know went out there and confidently built their businesses without having YEARS of experience getting out there, trying and making mistakes along the way. You just have to realize that people “earn” their confidence in different ways. For myself, I earned my confidence in the corporate world. I started consulting right after college and was expected to stand in front of a group of senior executives when I was 22 years old and do a full presentation. Believe me, I made my fair share of mistakes. In one presentation at L’Oreal Paris, I completely forgot one of the boards I needed to demonstrate my presentation. I went running out of the room in the middle of a presentation, leaving two senior executives dumbfounded. I got a stern “talking-to” after that one.
So if you know someone who seems to have it all together in their business right out of the gate as an entrepreneur, chances are they did their EARNING in another business or in another career. Don’t get down on yourself by thinking that they were born with some magic gift that you just don’t have. It’s really not true.
When I started Ideal Balance and Revenue Breakthrough, I could at least muster up some level of confidence with my clients and my marketing. But if I told you that I was born with that confidence, security or insight, I would be LYING. Furthermore, it took years of doing workshops, doing initial meetings, and working with clients before I became truly confident in who I am and what I offer. I think this is true for everyone in business.
You have to EARN your confidence by DOING the things that SCARE you. But here’s the mistake most people make: they go out there and do that initial session, call that client or do that workshop. They move past their fears. But then the workshop, session or client just doesn’t work out the way they want it to. Nobody registers at the workshop or the client doesn’t sign. And most people will then curl up into a ball and reconfirm that they just aren’t ever going to make this thing work.
Here is the part that is hard: you need to get some guidance or mentoring on what isn’t working and why. Yes, it’s possible to do a workshop 10 times and just keep getting better at it just by repetition. But most of us just won’t be that persistent. What you need to do is go to someone who can critique you and help you move forward, a coach, a mentor, a colleague, a friend. And that is the hardest part – truly opening yourself up to shift, learn and grow. Then having the courage to go back out there and do it again differently. And here’s something else, it might take multiple efforts to create the results you want. But that is all part of the learning process.
Over time, you’ll not only gain more confidence in putting yourself out there, working with clients or doing workshops. You’ll also gain confidence in the process of learning. You’ll start to understand the truth – that you can achieve anything you want, just as long as you TRY, LEARN (preferably from somone who has done it well) and TRY AGAIN.
Trust me, there is no magic pill to this. That three step process of trying, learning, and trying again is how I operate every single day. And some days are much harder than others. But the successes that come are well worth the process.
Steps for you to take:
1. Get REAL with yourself. Do you really need to re-organize your folders? Do you really need to take another training program? Or are you just hiding and preparing, thinking that will give you the confidence you need to move forward.
2. Get on the Phone or out connecting with clients. Notice what works and what doesn’t. Are you able to invite people to meetings? Are you able to convince those people to pay you money for your services? Are you able to make you clients happy? Once you get clear on what isn’t working.
3. Get Help! Ask a friend to come to your workshops and give you some critiques. Call that client that didn’t sign and ask her why. Hire a business coach to help you analyze why you aren’t getting to where you want to go.
4. Keep Trying. Remember Try, Learn, Try Again. You’ll get there. If I can do this, anyone can.
