What to do when your friends and family think you’re crazy!
I just got a call from a client who sold her first $3,500 package. She is a spiritual and crystal healer. When I asked how she felt, she responded, “Well, it shut my husband up.” I laughed out loud.
I know that when I started my business after leaving L’Oreal Paris and getting my expensive MBA, many of my friends and family thought I was crazy. I think many of them thought it was just the next activity I was going to do until I “settled down” to get married. It took a few years, but eventually they came around. Today many of them have participated in my programs.
Are you dealing with friends or family that just don’t believe in you or your business? Perhaps you go out to lunch with a girlfriend who asks, “so just how any clients do you have now?” in a way that really isn’t very nice, and actually sounds a little competitive. Or what about that call you get from your mom who suggests that now might be a good time to get a full-time job. Or you mention to your husband that you’d like to do a coaching program and he says, “How are your going to make all that money back when you haven’t even brought in a dime”. Or just when you decide on a target market and problem to focus on, your sister says, “No one is going to pay for that!”. And sometimes your community doesn’t have to say anything. You can just tell from their energy, their body language and their eyes that they doubt you.
And it feels terrible. It compounds any doubts that you already have about your business and it makes you want to curl into a ball and forget about it all!
Don’t worry, this happens to every business owner. Here are four steps to combat negative feedback about your business in a way that works for everyone involved.
1. Forgive Your Community. Realize that your friends and family do not have any idea how it feels to be an entrepreneur. Many of them have never even had any business training. They simply don’t understand how fragile you are as a business owner and how at times, one word can be enough to send you off the deep end (especially on a day that you lost a client or didn’t make a sale). Stop harboring any anger or disappointment – it’s not helping you or them. Put that energy towards growing your business.
2. Communicate Your Needs. Have a sit-down with your doubting partner for example. Let him know that you hear his concerns, but that you need six months of support to make this work. Make a date six months from now to have a real conversation about the state of your business. In the meantime, he will try to be supportive and helpful. Or ask your mom to not call you until after 6 PM so that you can keep the momentum going through the day. Decide your boundaries of what you need and uphold them.
3. Protect Yourself From Those Who Aren’t Supportive. The analogy I like to use is that when you are a new business owner, you are like a baby elephant. When elephants walk in packs they put the babies in the center. The older elephants constantly shield the little ones from danger. So as a new business owner you are vulnerable to attack from all sides – those who don’t believe in you, those who are competing with you and those who are just plain negative. And you are incredibly vulnerable to this outside attack because you haven’t built up your own confidence enough to shield yourself. So you have to be careful who you hang out with. Evaluate your friends and family – are they going to protect and support you like the baby elephant that you are? Or are their comments making you feel like you are being attacked?
Protect yourself. Only hang out with those that support and make you feel good about your business. Or make it a point to NOT talk about your business with that person. Understand that it may take a year, but you’ll get to the point when your success out weighs your doubts. Then you won’t need to be in the center of the circle anymore. But in the meantime, make sure you choose the safest place to be and surround yourself with supportive people.
4. Transfer Your Trust. I’ll probably write a whole article on this point in the future as I think it is the most important point on this post. Most of us grow up trusting our mom and dad, our siblings and our friends as “trusted authorities” in our lives. So much so that when your mom tells you to buy a new shirt – you usually do – even if you won’t ever admit it to her. So when you go into business and you don’t see that gleam of support in your friend’s eyes, it can be devastating.
As a business owner, you are going to be taking risks and doing tasks that your traditional “trusted authorities” know nothing about. So you can’t look too them for support or advice in the same way. I think it is good to find a new “trusted authority” for you and your business. Hire a business coach that you trust or find a mentor. After some time, allow yourself to trust that person.
When your coach or mentor says, “I think that you can raise your prices and get three new clients, ” believe her. And try to avoid losing all hope when your mom calls and says, “Oh you are still doing that business thing? How are you going to make a living on that?”. You see, when you transfer your faith to your business mentor, you can hear your mom’s words for what they are – WORDS. She no longer has the ability to sway your decisions and cause you to back away from your dream. And if you just trust your coach or mentor and follow their advice for a bit, you’ll begin to develop your own confidence. And these external voices of negativity will not only start to disappear, you won’t even recognize them when they do appear.
And for those of you with a spiritual bent – the ultimate trusted authority is your version of the divine, the universe, the guides, spirit, God, etc. And if you just put your trust in him – you know that he wants you to succeed in your business, and that he will guide you to that success if you just take the first steps forward.
Just as a quick note, I’m not dismissing all constructive critique from your valued friends and family. I’m only referring to those comments that are not necessary and not helpful and often badly timed. I think you know what I’m talking about.
Forgive. Communicate. Protect. Trust. Follow these steps the next time someone says something that brings you down about your business. I hope that it helps you weather the next well-meaning but unhelpful tidbit that your friends or family members throw out there.
