How to Deal With Resistance
Resistance. It’s that feeling that comes up when you don’t want to do something. For me it starts at the pit of my stomach.
I felt it this week when I left my Dad’s house in Cincinnati to go to work with my Mentor and Mastermind. I wanted to stay home with him – enjoy his homemade Indian Chai with the perfect amount of ginger and the soft sheets of my quiet suburban bedroom for a few more nights. I wanted it more than anything.
This, my friends, is Resistance.
As I left for the airport, the 5-year-old girl in me began to say, “I don’t want to do this. It’s not fair. You work too much. I want to play.” Sometimes she yells. Sometimes she whispers. It all depends on the task at hand. This time she yelled, and stomped.
Resistance, again.
When I got to the airport, I realized I had purchased my flight for the wrong date – November 21st instead of October. I was purchasing Thanksgiving flights at the same time and I made a mistake. Again, the little voice said, “You can go home now – see it’s a sign!”
More resistance.
Thankfully the agent was able to type into the old system and switch my flight, but I had to pay an extra $200. Now, the fatigue was starting to set in.
Wow – lots of resistance.
And this time the resistance was smart, saying things like, “You could go home and get more work done. You could get more sales just by getting on the phone. And you could spend the evening with your Dad.” My resistance was like a super-star lawyer in front of a jury. I physically swayed back and forth as the conversation roared in my head. I must have looked half crazy.
But there was something else at play. Commitment. Commitment to my mentor and the faith that being there with her would produce amazing growth for me, even if I couldn’t see it now.
Commitment to leaving my home and sharing space with other smart entrepreneurs.
Trusting that my original decision to travel to work on my business was the right decision, and the deep knowing that isolation is the enemy of wealth.
I also knew that I would be spending a week with my Dad at Thanksgiving and two at Christmas. So this resistance wasn’t logical – it was just trying to keep me safe and comfortable.
You see after years of battling resistance, I have enough insight to recognize it. To understand when the resistance needs to be addressed – and plans changed – and when it is just another form of self-sabotage.
I write this because I see way too many folks out there giving in to their resistance. Letting it win. And the other side of giving in to resistance is not hitting your goals. The outcome of not hitting your goals is watching your faith and self confidence crumble.
Commitment and Resistance are actually two sides of the same coin. Once you have one – the other one will inevitably come up.
The first key is to recognize your form of resistance as it comes up. What does it feel like? What does it look like? Do you feel it in your body? Or is it the voices in your head?
The second key is to determine how to act in the face of resistance. It is worth changing plans or bowing out for the day? Or is it time to face the resistance and do it anyways?
Most of the time – you should do it anyways.
And the third step is to take an action to get started on whatever you are resisting. Normally in that process of getting started, the task at hand isn’t so hard. And you’ll realize it was worth it.
That’s what happened to me by the way – the mastermind was fantastic. I was reminded of exactly what I needed to learn.
One of my spiritual teachers says that the more we recognize resistance, the more spiritually aware we are. It allows us to take a breathe in the moment and make decisions based on what we actually want – not from a place of fear. Here’s to wrestling with our resistance – and winning.
Leave me a comment and let me know what you thought of this article – it gets lonely over here writing in the dark!
Photo: flickr, theresebeale
It’s good to know it’s a universal reaction and we are not alone.
I took a great acting class years ago from Kimberly Jenson about fear.
I came away with a visual that stays with me to this day about stepping through my fear. It’s helped me in many of situation. It feels so good after stepping through.
Love that! Yes, we all need to step through our fear. And the other side is so much better. Thanks for the comment 🙂
I felt your pain. Timely for me as I push through my resistance. Thank you Monica
I’m glad it helped. We all deal with it. Best we get through it together 🙂
Thank you for allowing us in. While I don’t wish pain and struggle upon anyone, it’s comforting to know that we all – no matter our level of success – have those days when we just want to curl up on the sofa and stare out the window. Thank you, also, for the encouragement to keep moving forward and through the resistance.
We ALL have those days! It’s a matter of sticking to your vision and fighting for it. Even when you don’t want to! Thanks for the comment, Dawn.
Great info! We all have resistance and it sure crops up daily. I’m sharing this. Thanks Monica.
Cathryn – Thanks so much for writing and glad it could help. I know you of all people with all the training you do and help others do must know about resistance. So it means a lot from you. Thanks for commenting. Much love to you.
Thanks so much, Monica. This really helped me to see how I was resisting a number of things that need to get done in my life. Ironically, they were all things that would bring in more MONEY. What’s up with that? Am looking at what the commitment is behind the resistance. I saw from your article that I was resisting the less familiar feelings of financial abundance and not wanting to acknowledge the real fear of deprivation. So, I was using resistance to keep myself in the familiarity of having just enough to pretend like everything is going well. In seeing that, I committed to handling those items on my list that will bring in more cash. Thanks again for your wonderful article and for all you do in transforming the financial wellbeing of so many people. xo
Carole – thanks so much. Sounds like there is a safety in being uncomfortable for you. My guess is that you have a money story around something like, Money isn’t safe Or Money leaves me all the time. So there is something there about not having it. If you can shift that around – that will help the situation! Much love to you!