Looking in the Mirror – What Are Clients Are Really Teaching Us
Do you find that your clients all seem to exhibit the same patterns at certain times? For example, you always seem to attract clients that want to negotiate your rates. Or you attract clients that challenge your boundaries.
When patterns begin to emerge for my clients I begin by exploring logistical and marketing shifts that they can make. But I also delve into the deep and gooey areas underneath the surface and look at what lessons these issues are teaching.
You see your clients are mirrors into yourself and they are often your best teachers into both what you need to learn and what you have to teach. You often attract clients in two categories: those that need to learn exactly the lessons you just learned, and clients who are mirroring behaviors in yourself that you are trying to alleviate.
This is often true of money issues. Your clients will mirror your own buying style and money stories.
One of my platinum clients came to me with a quandary last week. She was having trouble with clients who would sign up with her and then back out of her program before the first session. They simply changed their minds. Even if she tried to re-sell them – they just remained unable to truly make the decision and the commitment.
I gave her some practical suggestions to shift things up from a marketing perspective. And then I delved into the “gooey stuff”. I asked her about her own issues around making decisions and keeping her commitments.
She would decide to go to an event and then second-guess her decision during the entire six weeks before the event. She often purchased items that she felt guilty about or returned later. And here’s the kicker – she was so used to living in indecision, worry and anxiety that she didn’t even realize all the energy that was being sucked out of her.
It was seeing it in her clients that really got her to start to make a shift in herself. She started trusting herself around making decisions by just making the leap, even when it was scary. She was able to let go of some of her own worry and indecision. It wasn’t long before she was able to see the indecision patterns in her clients and help them cement their own decisions.
Here’s another example. One of my clients has trouble up-holding her boundaries around both time and money. She often goes over her time limit with her clients and allows them to negotiate her prices down.
She started to notice that many of her clients were asking for more time and lower prices. She was attracting clients who didn’t have boundaries either.
Once she started sticking to her time limits and not lowering her prices, she noticed how often she was teaching her clients how to create their own boundaries. She was leading by example.
Within six months, she rarely had this problem because she started attracting different kinds of clients.
What are your clients teaching you? What is the mirror you are seeing?
Here are three steps to figure it out:
1. Stop for a minute and think about what patterns are emerging within your client base. If it isn’t obvious, ask a coach or a close friend to help you analyze it.
2. Decide if the mirrors are helpful or unhelpful. For example, I often attract ambitious clients who are willing to do the work – that’s a good mirror of myself. However, there are times when my clients are mirroring aspects of myself that I don’t love!
3. Change your own behavior.
4. After you change your behavior you are going to notice that you still attract clients with the current pattern, but now you have the words and skills to counsel them through the change (since you’ve made it in yourself).
Over 6-12 months, you’ll notice that your type of client will shift. Soon you won’t even attract clients with that same pattern.
Please leave me a comment and let me know how you deal with the mirrors in your business.
